Being your own Best Friend: Guide to Building Self-Trust
As a therapist, I often work with individuals struggling with the fragmented aftermath of childhood trauma. Many times they don’t even know that their experiences were traumatic because maybe some of it was subtle and in the context of their family patterns, were “normal”. These experiences, whether overt or subtle, can leave deep emotional wounds that persist into adulthood. They can be found in the way we interact in relationships and in our parenting style and can affect our mental health causing us to become more anxious, depressed, or reactive to daily interactions. It’s common to want to “make” ourself change and do things differently and often if the way we were made to do things growing up was by coercion or punishment.. we may be doing the exact same thing to ourself and being a big ol’ bully.
However, one of the most crucial steps towards healing is often overlooked: building trust with oneself. Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, including the one we have with ourselves. When we experience trauma during childhood, it can shatter our sense of safety and security. We may develop coping mechanisms to survive, but these often involve disconnecting from our emotions or numbing ourselves to pain. Over time, this erodes our ability to trust ourselves and our instincts. To begin the healing process, we must first acknowledge the impact of childhood trauma on our lives. This requires courage and self-compassion. Many individuals may feel ashamed or guilty about their past experiences, but it's essential to recognize that the blame lies with the perpetrators, not with the victims. By validating our own experiences, we can start to reclaim our sense of self-worth and agency.
Building trust within yourself is foundational to your overall well-being and personal growth. Begin becoming YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.
Here's a list of strategies to help you cultivate trust in yourself:
Self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during challenging times. Acknowledge your mistakes and imperfections without judgment.
Mindfulness practice: Engage in mindfulness activities such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga to cultivate self-awareness and presence in the moment.
Set realistic goals: Break down larger goals into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate your progress along the way, reinforcing your belief in your ability to succeed.
Honor your intuition: Pay attention to your gut feelings and instincts. Trusting your intuition can help you make decisions that align with your values and needs.
Self-reflection: Take time to reflect on your experiences, thoughts, and emotions. Journaling or talking to a trusted friend or therapist can help you gain insights into yourself and your behavior.
Boundaries: Establish healthy boundaries in your relationships and activities. Respect your own limits and prioritize self-care to prevent burnout and resentment.
Practice self-validation: Acknowledge your feelings and experiences as valid, even if they differ from others' perspectives. Validate yourself rather than seeking external validation.
Learn from setbacks: Instead of viewing setbacks as failures, see them as opportunities for growth and learning. Reflect on what you can do differently next time and trust in your ability to adapt and overcome challenges.
Surround yourself with supportive people: Cultivate relationships with people who uplift and encourage you. Having a strong support network can boost your confidence and belief in yourself.
Embrace vulnerability: Allow yourself to be vulnerable and authentic with others. Sharing your fears and insecurities can foster deeper connections and reinforce trust in yourself and others.
Forgive yourself: Let go of past mistakes and regrets. Holding onto guilt or shame undermines your self-trust. Practice self-forgiveness and focus on moving forward with compassion.
Continual self-improvement: Invest in your personal growth and development through learning, trying new things, and stepping out of your comfort zone. Each experience builds confidence and trust in your capabilities.
“By validating our own experiences, we can start to reclaim our sense of self-worth and agency.”
Working through childhood trauma also requires us to confront painful memories and emotions that we may have buried deep within ourselves. This can be a daunting prospect, but it's essential for our healing journey. Therapy provides a safe and supportive environment in which to explore these difficult feelings and experiences. A skilled therapist can help us process our trauma and develop healthier coping strategies.
As we gradually learn to trust ourselves and work through our childhood trauma, we may experience a profound shift in how we relate to the world around us. We may find ourselves setting healthier boundaries in our relationships, advocating for our needs, and pursuing our passions with renewed vigor. Ultimately, the journey towards self-trust is a journey towards wholeness and authenticity.
Building trust with ourselves is essential for healing from childhood trauma. It requires us to acknowledge our pain, listen to our inner voice, and confront our past experiences with courage and compassion. Therapy can be a valuable resource on this journey, providing guidance and support along the way. By investing in our own healing, we can reclaim our power and create a brighter future for ourselves.
Remember, be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey toward greater self-trust and confidence. I believe in you and you are doing some of lifes greatest work.
Thank you for being here!