Understanding People Pleasing: Breaking Free from the Chains of Approval

As your friendly C-PTSD therapist, who works specifically with people pleasers and perfectionists, I want to shed some light on this common pattern of behavior and explore ways to break free from its grip.

What is People Pleasing?

People-pleasing is like a subtle dance we perform, seeking validation and approval from others at the expense of our own needs and desires. On the outside, it looks so helpful, and kind, and hardworking. But more than not, it comes from a much deeper place. It often stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection or a desire to avoid conflict. While wanting to make others happy is noble, losing ourselves in the process can have detrimental effects on our mental health.

The Dangers of Constant Approval-Seeking:

1️⃣ Burnout: Constantly saying "yes" to others can leave us drained and exhausted, compromising our own well-being.

2️⃣ Identity Loss: People-pleasers may lose touch with their own desires, opinions, and authentic selves, as they mold their lives to fit others' expectations.

3️⃣ Resentment: Unspoken needs and unmet desires can build up, leading to resentment towards others and ourselves.

4️⃣ Low Self-Esteem: Relying on external validation can erode self-esteem, as our worth becomes dependent on others' opinions.

Breaking Free from People Pleasing:

1️⃣ Self-Reflection: Understand the roots of your people-pleasing tendencies. What drives the need for approval? Identifying these patterns is the first step toward change.

2️⃣ Set Boundaries: Learn to say "no" when necessary. Boundaries are essential for maintaining a healthy balance between meeting others' needs and preserving your own mental and emotional well-being.

3️⃣ Practice Self-Compassion: Embrace self-love and self-acceptance. Remember, it's okay not to be perfect, and your worth isn't determined by others' opinions.

4️⃣ Communication Skills: Express your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and assertively. Healthy communication fosters genuine connections and reduces the need for constant approval-seeking.

5️⃣ Seek Support: Therapy, counseling, or support groups can provide a safe space to explore and address people-pleasing tendencies. Connecting with others on a similar journey can be incredibly empowering.

Remember friends, your authenticity is a gift to the world. Embrace the beautiful tapestry of your uniqueness, and let go of the need for constant approval. Break free from the chains of people-pleasing, and rediscover the joy of living life on your terms!

As always, thank you for being here!